In Suspension

My mom has told me many times in my life, both in the past and continually now that I've been here, to accept Not Knowing. Not an easy thing to do, but an important one. Right now my life is a national parade of Not Knowing. Each day I struggle with all kinds of uncertainties and trials, the ringleader of them all being not knowing where I'll be sleeping in a few days or what part of town I will call home.

Lately my daily life has been a mix of hard work and tough judgement calls. For example, after much deliberation I left my cafe job yesterday because ultimately the job wasn't a good fit for me and it was impossible for me to work every day and put the energy I needed into finding a place to live. I've never left a job so soon before and I know I won't be making enough now to pay rent, but I decided to do it anyway. Today was my first "day off" since I got my jobs, or my first real day of apartment searching. I ended up only seeing one room (the first one got taken before I got there; the second viewing made me late to the third so we rescheduled) and don't think it was the right one for me. I wasn't sure whether or not I should try and nab it or if I should hold out for the possibility of something a little better. I resolved to continue my search.

The last few weeks I've been constantly suspended between places, between people and appointments, between forms of transportation and jobs. It's hard to think I could be going to sleep tonight with a New York address of my own, but the truth is I opted to wait and therefore to maintain my suspension. I opted to again go through my evening ritual of meeting my dorm-mates, of navigating an unfamiliar street in search of something affordable and tasty to sustain me, of having reliably bizarre hostel dreams that incorporate hard-partying Ukrainians or sharing a tiny studio apartment with four German-speaking girls. I opted for present unease and more challenges in the hopes that just maybe I'll find a better living situation tomorrow, or next week.

As for my friends in the city, I haven't seen any of them. As for sites, if it isn't an underground transit system, a monumental library, or on the way to somewhere I'm scheduled to be, I probably haven't been there. I won't go into all of my daily struggles, but I will sum them up by saying I'm simply suspended in air right now. And I won't be able to focus on much else until I return to a solid footing, until my life has the stability of things like a schedule and a permanent location (perhaps a private shower??)... I'm not going to pretend I'm completely comfortable with all the Not Knowing, but Mom, I'm learning to be.

Work, work, work

I am now on my 10th full day in the city (and my 7th consecutive day of work).

My arrival in New York, after checking in at the hostel, led to making some new international friends and heading together to a nearby pub. I introduced the American sport of beerpong to some Irish and Polish and they introduced me to winning. I met lots of all kinds of people and had a great time. It was a good intro to the city.

The next morning it was incredibly rainy and dreary and I had a hard time getting myself motivated to leave my Upper West Side lair and go out job searching. A phone call to my brother Gus got me inspired and on my way downtown. I had two restaurant interviews, neither of which led to jobs, but I did set up a few more interviews.

The following day I got my first job - as a hostess at a restaurant in SoHo (called Spring Street Natural Restaurant.) I liked the looks of it and went in and applied. The manager immediately hired me and I started training last Friday. Midweek I also picked up another part-time job as a barista at a cafe called The Bean at its new location on Broadway and 12th Street.

Since then I haven't had a single day off, either working or training. It's been crazy but good. My coworkers at the restaurant are really cool friendly people. A couple of them have taken me under their wing and I also have a chance to use a lot of Spanish for the first time in a long time. Plus something exciting is always happening there. (Yesterday we had to close the seating out front because there was a French comedy being filmed on the street.) The cafe on the other hand is a much smaller operation but just as fast-paced. At its location near Union Square it's a refuge for many NYU students, for the creative, the pretentious, the ambitious, the important, the just plain strange...

That's the word for now. Not sure when my next day off will be, but I'd like to use it for apartment searching! Hugs to everyone.

Closing In

This was my first date with Jackson Pollack, Spring 2008. I was in the city for a national college journalism conference and it was my most recent visit. Fellow editors, writers, and designers from our Fort Lewis publication The Indy and I had the time of our lives. I got to meet staff writers for The New York Times and The New Yorker, see another incredible play, do some serious shopping, make friends with some awesome characters, and can you say lunch in Little India? (to mention a few. phew!) I was so sure that I was going to have to move there that I started telling New Yorkers I met that we should exchange numbers because "I'm moving to the city in a few months."

Whether it was months or years doesn't matter because at this point, I'm moving to the city in a matter of hours. My whole life now exists in two bags of luggage and a backpack. And Casie, you should know it involved a three-part elimination process, and only a few shoes and books made the final and most rigorous cut. Still, I was able to fit in 50 resumes, a few essential photos of friends, and 8 dresses including one Get-a-Job-in-NYC dress. (Will let you know if it lives up to its name.) While I may soon be a vagabond - or a voyageuse, if you will - I'm going to at least be a well-dressed one.

Said my goodbyes to Gus tonight (who came down to Rico for the weekend and stopped by the house to help me clean. Thank you kiddo!!) Guess we're really closing in.