There comes a point after living in a place when it’s time to reevaluate your options. Should I continue to live here? Should I consider going somewhere else? What are my prospects here? Or anywhere else?
I’m about to hit the six-month mark of my stay in New York. I’ve been successfully living, working, and occasionally having fun here just as I set out to do. Triumph! On the other hand, I’m constantly struggling with my quality of life here, with feeling overworked, stressed, unbalanced, lonely.
Let me clarify – I’m so glad to have a paycheck coming in; I am extremely fortunate in the friends I’ve made and who have taken me under their wing; and I am well-fed and have a (somewhat) warm place to sleep. Plus, my parents and brother and close friends have done a great job of staying in contact with me. Therefore I have the basics covered. What’s lacking is my confidence in myself that comes from a balanced lifestyle, an enjoyment in daily life, and the comfort of loved ones nearby. I don’t mean to discount the good friends or even the boyfriend I’ve had here. But I don’t think any of them would argue with the fact we aren’t soul mate sort of friends – the kind whose hearts are mirrored in your own. It may sound sentimental, but the most marked part of all my experiences living in different locations, be they college, China, Spain, or my slow year in Cortez, were the unique, beautiful people I spent my time with. People who I consider part of my soul family. I’ve come to realize that having these sorts of people in my daily life is of the utmost importance. The people I know here aren’t any less beautiful; we just haven’t connected as beautifully and seamlessly. In addition, my high stress food industry lifestyle here is something I don’t naturally or easily fit into either, but I also know that I’m making rent and eating and that’s important. I knew that moving here would be difficult and that these basic ingredients were the ones I would need to achieve in order to stay. Now I have achieved them.
It’s time to move forward: while I’ve tried a few different routes of getting into an entry-level publishing position, I haven’t put my heart and soul into it. I underestimated the difficulty of simply living here and the energy I would spend doing so. Nonetheless, I want to give it a last good try before I decide to move on elsewhere. I want to follow the best path for me, and I still aspire to change this experience for the better. Even now I am hopeful that I can make some close friends and work in a place I find fulfilling. However, if I find I am unable to do so in the near future, then it will certainly be time to seek out a new experience in which I better have my needs met, and I have to admit that what lies at the top of that list is, of course, family.
